April 30, 2015

10 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days

Total Days:330

I have had it in my heart that I have wanted to adopt a child for as long as I can remember. I have a motherly instinct that I can’t control. When I suggested fostering to Jon, he probably thought I was crazy. He was very supported and we went through countless hours of in-service, trainings, scrutinizing of our home, and evaluation of our family, we were licensed the January 2014.

Then the phone calls for placements started coming in.

I estimate we probably got 15 - 20 calls within the first 5 months. Our very first call was when Jon and I were out shopping for toddler beds. The phone call was for two children older than what we prefered. Some others that I remember was a 2-year-old with MRSA on his arms and legs; a 4 year old with a feeding tube that required therapy to learn how to eat because her mom made her sick on purpose; kids with developmental delays, physical limitations, exposure to sexual abuse, physical abuse, and neglect. It makes my heart hurt when I recall the details that I would receive from our agency worker.

I started a new job in May 2014 and a few weeks in, we received a phone call about a sibling group of 3 girls ages 9 months, 20 months, and 4 years. T, Ke, and Ka came into our lives like a raging storm. No matter how prepared you think you are for it… you aren’t. I came home from work to find Jon holding baby Ka, Ke sleeping on the couch, and T standing by the front door. With just a few signatures, the county worker left and the question “What do we do now?!”..

I had to get clothes, child care, hair care supplies.. So much to do!

We celebrated three birthdays, Ka took her first steps, Ke really picked up with her speech and T began her first year of school. So many milestones. They made me so proud.

Through all the good times, there was also many times of frustration.

Every other week, we had someone from our agency or the county in our home to check on the girls and how they were doing in our home. Maybe that was a good thing..? I did keep my house clean! The girls’ parents had weekly visitation. Their mom was always there and always so nice to me, Jon, and the kids. It was so relieving to have a parent that was cooperative. Their dad on the other hand… no comment. I don’t understand how someone could be satisfied with seeing their children for 7 hours over the span of 6 months. I’d walk hours to see my children, even if it was only for a few minutes.

The responsibilities of a foster parent exceeded Jon and my expectations. Doctor’s appointments were one of the biggest hassles. The girl doctor’s office wouldn’t allow me to triple up on appointments. When I had to get their physicals done, I had to schedule 3 appointments on 3 different days. I had to take 5 kiddos with me. It was a nightmare. The girls could only be in the care of a licensed daycare, our emergency contact, and other licensed foster parents. In short, that means date nights for jon and myself were few and far between. We used respite 4 times during our nearly 11 months with the girls. Once for something fun, once for a holiday out of state and twice to visit my brother-in-law and niece after my sister-in-law’s passing. It is very difficult to do fun family outings with 5 little ones. We went camping, to the zoo, and to the park but that was the extent of our “fun family trips”. So much red tape in nearly everything we wanted to do. Couldn’t do any water parks, pool, or ponds with the water dangers. Couldn’t cross state lines for anything without special permission. We survived through.

There are more issues with the government and how they deal with these cases but I don’t even know where to start.

Most of my complaints are only inconveniences. These aren’t deal breakers when it comes to fostering. Right now, we are taking a break. I would love to do another placement sooner but we will know when the time is right.

During our break, I hope we are able to get more in-service training in before the end of the year to renew our license. We have some fun things planned for the summer and hopefully, we can get those out of the way before accepting a new placement.

I encourage everyone reading this to consider getting involved with the foster care system. Never in my life have I done something so rewarding. Any questions? Feel free to ask!