Frustrations

There are so many aspects of this situation that lift my spirits and allows the “hassles” to be so rewarding. Other parts of the situation make me want to scream, lock myself in a closet, and go to sleep. (What’s sleep?!)

In our initial face-to-face meeting with our county worker, Miranda*, I really stressed the fact that my husband and I both work full time. I will move to part time after I go through my extensive training period somewhere around the middle of June. I asked about getting transportation for the girls even though we aren’t licensed through the county and she said that since we a fostering kids from the county and the fact that their daycare is “right down the road and 15 minutes from the Children’s Services office”, this should not be a problem and that she would “rally for us” to get transportation. I will pick up on that issue later. Mary* from our foster agency was also at this meeting so she witnessed this conversation.

During one of the first phone calls I had with Miranda, she said that visitation was likely and that we would talk about my and my husband’s schedule to see what we could work out. In the face-to-face meeting, she told us that she had set up their visitation for two times a week right smack dab in the middle of the afternoon. Ok, not ideal but thank goodness she is going to arrange transportation or there is no way that is going to work………

Overall, the meeting went well and I was excited to get confirmation about transportation and answers to some other questions about the children from Miranda. She told me that she would talk to the appropriate people and call me sometime the next day. So the next day came…..and nothing. The second day after our meeting, I gave her a call and got her voicemail, I left a message saying that I was just checking in and to see if she had any news for me. This happened again and again and again.. I left voicemails, had the office secretary write messages on paper and leave on her desk, talked to transportation/visitation/supervision/probably the janitor to try to figure out what was going on. Finally the day of the first visitation, TWO hours before the girls were supposed to be at their visit, a county worker that had just been assigned to our case, Allison, called me and said she talked to Miranda and that there had never been any intentions of transporting the children back and forth to visits and that we were going to have to make arrangements. Thank the Lord that I had that day off work so I was able to take them but what in the world and I going to do the other days? She actually suggested that my husband or I take a long lunch to take the girls to their two hour visitation. I thought she had to be joking. Other options were thrown around but I have no clue how we are going to make it work. I fell like we were just hung out to dry.

I was so mad. I was angry. I am usually very patient with people but I had to express how I was feeling. I assured Allison that I know she is new to the case and that I wasn’t upset with her but I was (and still am) FURIOUS with how Miranda handle the situation. She avoided my calls and then was untruthful about what she had said during our face-to-face meeting. Jon and I have jobs that we have to go to. I am still in a probationary period at my job where calling off could get me fired. It just isn’t an option. Now, I am left to find someone to transport the girls twice a week when I am unable to. I told Allison that I want to move the visits to a time that better works for us, which is what should have been done in the first place. I think our needs were neglected and I believe that Miranda dropped the ball. I just needed a five minute phone call to let me know what is going on and she couldn’t even manage that.

Jon and I are trying our best to do everything we can for these kids and then I get put into this situation. As if all the routine changes, appointments, and everything aren’t difficult enough, this is just one more thing to add to my list.

Luckily, I have an extremely supportive husband or I would lose my mind.

And I might as well ask, anyone out there in Bloggerland that could transport and couple sweeties for me twice a week? No? Oh, that’s ok. I’m just trying out every option possible. 

*Names have been changed because it's the nice thing to do.

Appointments

If there is one thing that we weren't told during the training process, it would be the amount of appointments that would be required.

I have never been great at time management but that has had to change. My giant desk calendar and Google calendar have become my BFF and I feel lost without them. As I look at my calendar for the month of June, it is almost overwhelming to see no empty squares. We have something every day. Some things are fun but some are things that I wish we didn't have to do but I know we must.

After receiving the children, we had to arrange a meeting with our foster caseworker, Mary*, within just a few days of getting the girls. We were also required to arrange a meeting with a case worker from the county, Miranda*, as well. Luckily, I was able to get them both to come to our house on the same day at the same time. Mary is supposed to check in every 2 weeks and Miranda said that someone else would be assigned to our case in 30 days and they would have to visit the home (from what I remember) once or twice a month. Jon and I are both on a full time schedule so finding holes for these meetings is limited.

Each girl also has to have a physical and the oldest has to have an eye doctor and dentist checkup within 30 days of being with us. I called to arrange physicals with their regular doctor and told me that they do not make consecutive appointments for siblings and that I would have to schedule their appointments on different days. I begged the secretary to make an exception. I even said I would pay a fine if I didn't show up... or better yet, bring baked goods when I did! She laughed and said that she could not make exceptions. So, there is another 5 days of appointments with a doctor, dentist, and optometrist within 2 weeks of each other.

Now visitation. The children visit with their parents twice a week. I love that. I think that is great. There is a lot that I could say about what I think about how the whole visitation situation has been handled but that will have to wait for a different post. These are appointments that I don't mind getting them too. ;)

We have had other visits with different county agencies to make sure the girls are on track developmentally but thankfully, those visits have taken place in our home and I don't have to load 5 kids in the car for them.

I don't even what to think of what it is going to be like in August when school picks back up.
I can't wait until I drop down to true part-time and eventually per diem at work. These kids are amazing and to care for them requires a lot of organization, dedication, and sacrifice. It is all a process to get the girls reunified with their mom.

*Names have been changed because it's the nice thing to do.

The first 24 hours

Foster parent.

That is what I am now. Well, technically Jon and I have been licensed to be foster parents since January. We said yes to many different kids and had no luck getting a placement until about 2 weeks ago. That is when we got the phone call for a sibling group of 3 and for privacy reasons, they will be referred to as A, B, and C... just to keep things simple.

We got the referral call for them at about 4:30 on a Tuesday. Jon and I talked it over and felt that it was a challenge that we would be willing to take on. We used the logic that 3 healthy children with no delays would be easier than having a medically fragile child. You know, less appointments, therapy sessions, etc. We had yet to get a phone call for a child that was healthy with no mental disturbances or physical disabilities. Not that we didn't say yes to children that were in that situation. We had said yes to children with feeding tubes, Down's syndrome, sexual abuse victims, etc. This was kind of like hitting the jackpot. Just a few hours later when I pulled into the driveway after a long 12 1/2 hour shift, there they were. Jon was holding 9 month old baby C, 22 month old toddler B was sleeping on the couch, and 4-year-old A was standing by the door because she was obviously scared of our dog... and kitten. I barely remember any of the meeting with the intake coordinator. I couldn't remember her name even if I tried. There were 3 large binders of paperwork filled with medical information, legal information about their bio parents, a life book that I am supposed to fill out, and a mile long list of what we are to do next.

It was very overwhelming.

The intake coordinator wished us good luck and then she left. And in that moment, our house of 4 became a house of 7. I went through the diaper bag that came with them. There were a couple diapers, no wipes, some small cans of formula, and two dirty bottles. There were a few other things in there but not much. My heart was breaking for these girls and I could not wait to get to the store and buy them everything that they deserved. I then realized that it would be a massive shopping trip that would have to wait and that I should just get the girls the essentials for the night/next day. The county gave us a voucher to take to Walmart to get the children what they needed so I ran to Walmart and bought them each some pajamas and an outfit for the next day, a pack of new bottles, socks, and a pair of shoes. The total didn’t even come near the amount that was on the voucher. It turns out that the voucher is a one-time use only so I paid for their pajamas out of my own money and returned home. Jon and I got the girls ready for bed. Amazingly, they all went to bed with no problems and I returned to Walmart after everyone was asleep to get everything they needed. Clothes, shoes, hair care items, toothbrushes, swimming suits, diapers, wipes, formula, bottle brushes, bibs, the works. I got home at almost 2 in the morning and had to be to work at 10 the next day.

When everyone woke up the next morning, I showed the kids their outfits that they were going to be wearing. A was so excited to get new clothes. I handed her underwear to put on and she held them in the air and danced around. She wasn’t wearing any when she came to us so I bet that would be kind of exciting! Everything else about our first morning went smoothly until we got to their daycare. I had been calling the county all morning to ensure that they were going to fax over the paperwork needed to enroll them. When we went into the office, I was told that they had received no paperwork so I started making phone calls. To make a long story short, I ended up having to take the kids to another foster family for a babysitting type situation and I was an hour late to work. Luckily, my boss is very understanding and didn’t write me up. (I am still in the 90-day probation period and being late could have gotten me fired) Oh, and then at almost 2 in the afternoon, I got a phone call that the paperwork was pushed through and I would be able to drop them off at the daycare the next day with no hassle.

Jon picked up Liam and Adelyn from the sitter and I picked up our new additions from daycare and our first 24 hours was in the books.