An Update.

We are approaching six months as a family of 7.
Six months of choas, stress, tears, smiles, laughs, and love.

Jon and I never knew what we agreed to when we said yes to these girls nearly half a year ago. Liam and Adelyn have grown to love them and even consider them like sisters. We have been able to get ourselves into a good routine to maintain sanity and ensure that everyone gets to where they need to be....at lease 99% of the time.

A is in kindergarten and although she has some behavioral issues at school, she is improving greatly. When she first came to us, she knew three letters by site and only some of her colors and shapes. She couldn't even write her name. Now, she has about 80% of everything down. I'm very proud of her. What she lacks in that area of knowledge, she definitely makes up for it in her life skills. When she came to us she could tie her shoes, change a diaper, and make a bottle. How many kids can do that at age 4? She was forced to grow up too quickly and it has been a challenge to try to get her to slow down. She has a big attitude and likes to be in charge. This behavior reflects how she was expected to take care of her sisters when she was just a baby herself. If she has a banana, cookie, anything.. she will automatically break it up into three pieces and share with her sisters. She has protective instincts I don't think I developed until I became a mother. I constantly pray that she can learn to control the urges to control the world and just be a kid. She deserves nothing less.

B is my wildcard. Sometimes she's the most precious thing with the sweetest little voice but other times her terrible two-ness comes out and she gets so sassy as she throws a temper tantrum on the floor. She likes everything to be a certain way and when it's not, she can't take it. At first, she didn't really talk. Actually, I'm pretty sure she didn't try to make any kind of verbalization until at least two weeks after they came to live with us. She only babbled and couldn't make any words. Now, I can't get her to be quiet! She is still a little delayed with her speech but she is making words and it has become a lot easier to understand. She loves saying "I a pin-cess" and she loves wearing the princess dresses. That is her currency. Other than time-out, which doesn't even phase her, if she isn't listened she gets her dresses put up for a little bit. You would seriously think it was the end of the world. She loves to "explore" or as I like to call it MESSING! I don't know another kid that would use the cottage cheese on their dinner plate like sunscreen and spread it on all over their arms and face.

C has celebrated her first birthday, took her first steps, and said her first words while in our care. I feel badly for her mom because she wasn't able to experience those things with her. C does a great job keeping up with Liam, Addie, A, and B. She is a climber and is able to get on the couch or chair with the other kids when they are watching a movie or playing with something at the dining room table. Thankfully, she hasn't figured out the baby gates yet or we would be in big trouble! Her personality is really starting to come out and if I know any better, she is going to be the one that tries to push the limits. I can see her testing Jon and myself at times and it is hard not to give in to her because she is so sweet but we try to provide consistency for her so she knows what she can and cannot get away with.

I'm just finishing up my first semester of nursing school while working almost 20 hours a week. I don't think I have every been more stressed out, tired.....no, exhausted, and weepy in my life. Often, I get so overwhelmed that I just cry and that is usually not like me. I am so thankful that I have such an amazing support system that has really carried me through the tough times. Jon is my teammate in this endeavor. He definitely picks up the slack where I lack. My mom has come up many times to give me a hand with the kids and just give me a little time to breathe. My in-laws have taken Liam and Addie several times to lighten the load so we only have 3 kids for a weekend.

**Our families have been so welcoming and loving to our girls. We celebrated their birthdays three months in a row! I know it was a lot for them because Jon & Addie's are in March, mine is in April, Liam's is May, and three girls each have one in June, July, and August. It was a lot of birthday fun but our families ensured that they had the best birthday possible. They were the same kinds of parties that my kids would have. What a blessing! My aunt Shara is the closest family member we have up here and she has been a pivotal part of our successes so far. Do you know how hard it is to get one kid to preschool, one to a babysitter, two to daycare, and one to kindergarten? Shara helps us out when she can by driving Liam and Addie to and from the east side. She is also able to watch the girls if Jon and I need a little break. One of her boys is almost the same age as Liam and she lets me borrow him to keep Liam entertained and takes Liam to her house to offer me some time without Liam and A constantly trying to one-up each other. When I get really stressed, she inspires me. She handles her two boys, who are smart, respectful, well-rounded dudes, with grace and does it on her own. She reminds me that anything is possible as long as you don't give up and persevere. I probably should have started out with her because she is one of my biggest cheerleaders and support. Forgive me? <3 br="">

My dearest friends Cyndel and Meghan have provided support and encouragement when I've needed it most. Cyndel and her mom even reached out to me when I didn't even ask and helped to clean my house when it really needed it. Meghan lends an ear and lets me vent and gives me advice that is actually worth something and makes me feel better. Even one of my newest friends, Brittni, has come over and helped me organize and tidy up. I am so blessed with such caring people to help me and Jon along this crazy season in our lives especially when we don't seek out any assistance. I believe friends who can recognize that you are struggling and reach out to you are the best kind of friends there is. I appreciate it so much I could about cry while typing this.

The holiday season is approaching and I am predicting things are going to get a little crazy.
..but I'm going to try not to think about that just yet. ;)

[pardon all spelling and grammatical errors......it's late]

Frustrations

There are so many aspects of this situation that lift my spirits and allows the “hassles” to be so rewarding. Other parts of the situation make me want to scream, lock myself in a closet, and go to sleep. (What’s sleep?!)

In our initial face-to-face meeting with our county worker, Miranda*, I really stressed the fact that my husband and I both work full time. I will move to part time after I go through my extensive training period somewhere around the middle of June. I asked about getting transportation for the girls even though we aren’t licensed through the county and she said that since we a fostering kids from the county and the fact that their daycare is “right down the road and 15 minutes from the Children’s Services office”, this should not be a problem and that she would “rally for us” to get transportation. I will pick up on that issue later. Mary* from our foster agency was also at this meeting so she witnessed this conversation.

During one of the first phone calls I had with Miranda, she said that visitation was likely and that we would talk about my and my husband’s schedule to see what we could work out. In the face-to-face meeting, she told us that she had set up their visitation for two times a week right smack dab in the middle of the afternoon. Ok, not ideal but thank goodness she is going to arrange transportation or there is no way that is going to work………

Overall, the meeting went well and I was excited to get confirmation about transportation and answers to some other questions about the children from Miranda. She told me that she would talk to the appropriate people and call me sometime the next day. So the next day came…..and nothing. The second day after our meeting, I gave her a call and got her voicemail, I left a message saying that I was just checking in and to see if she had any news for me. This happened again and again and again.. I left voicemails, had the office secretary write messages on paper and leave on her desk, talked to transportation/visitation/supervision/probably the janitor to try to figure out what was going on. Finally the day of the first visitation, TWO hours before the girls were supposed to be at their visit, a county worker that had just been assigned to our case, Allison, called me and said she talked to Miranda and that there had never been any intentions of transporting the children back and forth to visits and that we were going to have to make arrangements. Thank the Lord that I had that day off work so I was able to take them but what in the world and I going to do the other days? She actually suggested that my husband or I take a long lunch to take the girls to their two hour visitation. I thought she had to be joking. Other options were thrown around but I have no clue how we are going to make it work. I fell like we were just hung out to dry.

I was so mad. I was angry. I am usually very patient with people but I had to express how I was feeling. I assured Allison that I know she is new to the case and that I wasn’t upset with her but I was (and still am) FURIOUS with how Miranda handle the situation. She avoided my calls and then was untruthful about what she had said during our face-to-face meeting. Jon and I have jobs that we have to go to. I am still in a probationary period at my job where calling off could get me fired. It just isn’t an option. Now, I am left to find someone to transport the girls twice a week when I am unable to. I told Allison that I want to move the visits to a time that better works for us, which is what should have been done in the first place. I think our needs were neglected and I believe that Miranda dropped the ball. I just needed a five minute phone call to let me know what is going on and she couldn’t even manage that.

Jon and I are trying our best to do everything we can for these kids and then I get put into this situation. As if all the routine changes, appointments, and everything aren’t difficult enough, this is just one more thing to add to my list.

Luckily, I have an extremely supportive husband or I would lose my mind.

And I might as well ask, anyone out there in Bloggerland that could transport and couple sweeties for me twice a week? No? Oh, that’s ok. I’m just trying out every option possible. 

*Names have been changed because it's the nice thing to do.

Appointments

If there is one thing that we weren't told during the training process, it would be the amount of appointments that would be required.

I have never been great at time management but that has had to change. My giant desk calendar and Google calendar have become my BFF and I feel lost without them. As I look at my calendar for the month of June, it is almost overwhelming to see no empty squares. We have something every day. Some things are fun but some are things that I wish we didn't have to do but I know we must.

After receiving the children, we had to arrange a meeting with our foster caseworker, Mary*, within just a few days of getting the girls. We were also required to arrange a meeting with a case worker from the county, Miranda*, as well. Luckily, I was able to get them both to come to our house on the same day at the same time. Mary is supposed to check in every 2 weeks and Miranda said that someone else would be assigned to our case in 30 days and they would have to visit the home (from what I remember) once or twice a month. Jon and I are both on a full time schedule so finding holes for these meetings is limited.

Each girl also has to have a physical and the oldest has to have an eye doctor and dentist checkup within 30 days of being with us. I called to arrange physicals with their regular doctor and told me that they do not make consecutive appointments for siblings and that I would have to schedule their appointments on different days. I begged the secretary to make an exception. I even said I would pay a fine if I didn't show up... or better yet, bring baked goods when I did! She laughed and said that she could not make exceptions. So, there is another 5 days of appointments with a doctor, dentist, and optometrist within 2 weeks of each other.

Now visitation. The children visit with their parents twice a week. I love that. I think that is great. There is a lot that I could say about what I think about how the whole visitation situation has been handled but that will have to wait for a different post. These are appointments that I don't mind getting them too. ;)

We have had other visits with different county agencies to make sure the girls are on track developmentally but thankfully, those visits have taken place in our home and I don't have to load 5 kids in the car for them.

I don't even what to think of what it is going to be like in August when school picks back up.
I can't wait until I drop down to true part-time and eventually per diem at work. These kids are amazing and to care for them requires a lot of organization, dedication, and sacrifice. It is all a process to get the girls reunified with their mom.

*Names have been changed because it's the nice thing to do.

The first 24 hours

Foster parent.

That is what I am now. Well, technically Jon and I have been licensed to be foster parents since January. We said yes to many different kids and had no luck getting a placement until about 2 weeks ago. That is when we got the phone call for a sibling group of 3 and for privacy reasons, they will be referred to as A, B, and C... just to keep things simple.

We got the referral call for them at about 4:30 on a Tuesday. Jon and I talked it over and felt that it was a challenge that we would be willing to take on. We used the logic that 3 healthy children with no delays would be easier than having a medically fragile child. You know, less appointments, therapy sessions, etc. We had yet to get a phone call for a child that was healthy with no mental disturbances or physical disabilities. Not that we didn't say yes to children that were in that situation. We had said yes to children with feeding tubes, Down's syndrome, sexual abuse victims, etc. This was kind of like hitting the jackpot. Just a few hours later when I pulled into the driveway after a long 12 1/2 hour shift, there they were. Jon was holding 9 month old baby C, 22 month old toddler B was sleeping on the couch, and 4-year-old A was standing by the door because she was obviously scared of our dog... and kitten. I barely remember any of the meeting with the intake coordinator. I couldn't remember her name even if I tried. There were 3 large binders of paperwork filled with medical information, legal information about their bio parents, a life book that I am supposed to fill out, and a mile long list of what we are to do next.

It was very overwhelming.

The intake coordinator wished us good luck and then she left. And in that moment, our house of 4 became a house of 7. I went through the diaper bag that came with them. There were a couple diapers, no wipes, some small cans of formula, and two dirty bottles. There were a few other things in there but not much. My heart was breaking for these girls and I could not wait to get to the store and buy them everything that they deserved. I then realized that it would be a massive shopping trip that would have to wait and that I should just get the girls the essentials for the night/next day. The county gave us a voucher to take to Walmart to get the children what they needed so I ran to Walmart and bought them each some pajamas and an outfit for the next day, a pack of new bottles, socks, and a pair of shoes. The total didn’t even come near the amount that was on the voucher. It turns out that the voucher is a one-time use only so I paid for their pajamas out of my own money and returned home. Jon and I got the girls ready for bed. Amazingly, they all went to bed with no problems and I returned to Walmart after everyone was asleep to get everything they needed. Clothes, shoes, hair care items, toothbrushes, swimming suits, diapers, wipes, formula, bottle brushes, bibs, the works. I got home at almost 2 in the morning and had to be to work at 10 the next day.

When everyone woke up the next morning, I showed the kids their outfits that they were going to be wearing. A was so excited to get new clothes. I handed her underwear to put on and she held them in the air and danced around. She wasn’t wearing any when she came to us so I bet that would be kind of exciting! Everything else about our first morning went smoothly until we got to their daycare. I had been calling the county all morning to ensure that they were going to fax over the paperwork needed to enroll them. When we went into the office, I was told that they had received no paperwork so I started making phone calls. To make a long story short, I ended up having to take the kids to another foster family for a babysitting type situation and I was an hour late to work. Luckily, my boss is very understanding and didn’t write me up. (I am still in the 90-day probation period and being late could have gotten me fired) Oh, and then at almost 2 in the afternoon, I got a phone call that the paperwork was pushed through and I would be able to drop them off at the daycare the next day with no hassle.

Jon picked up Liam and Adelyn from the sitter and I picked up our new additions from daycare and our first 24 hours was in the books.